Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Paranoia. Today I put a really ugly face on that term. Oh I've had extensive experience with it in the past, but today it was brought to me and dumped on my lap like a hot drink. As it soaked in I just about did what anyone would do in that situation: jump up, run, and try to get the sting off.
My brother is in the hospital because he broke his hip. He is having a reaction to the drugs and trauma of the break and surgery: He is convinced that the staff is trying to kill him. He is sure all the nurses there at the hospital are out to get him.
Yes, he is prone to paranoia and I have had this conversation with him a thousand times in the past. No one is out to get you. You do not create that kind of obsession with your looks and demeanor. No one person has singled you out and targeted you for their chew toy, much less everyone around you. You just aren't that interesting, cute, rich, or famous.
Today I got to share this with him while he verbally offended everyone at the hospital trying to help him. At one point I wanted to just smack him. He is having a chemically induced hyper-paranoid episode and I wanted to crawl out of the room and deny all knowledge of him. He took it upon himself to insult the gender, race, intelligence, capability, and parentage of every Medical Professional who came to the meeting. Owing to great parenting he can swear in 7 languages, so everyone in the world got some today. I felt Giant embarrassment and then Giant(er) guilt for feeling embarrassed.
                               Why oh why can't my family just be NORMAL?
I have a sister who runs night ops. In a Burka. With night vision goggles and handcuffs. In downtown wherever the heck she is. Protecting the perimeter. She has been arrested for it. She believes she is doing right, she cares about security. She doesn't have a home, a car, or a job but she has night-vision goggles! Her really sad story is not atypical of any of my family. You know how they say every family has one? In my family it is one sane person, and I'm not even sure about that.
So today I missed a day of work at my new job to meet with every kind of doctor except a psychiatrist, which he really needs, at the Hospital he is in. I have to admit I saw one 90 year old lady with crazy hair and a walker going down the hall with her son and thought "why couldn't you be my relative?". And the conclusion: He will probably get better in a few days.
Meanwhile they all have me on speed-dial-in-case-of-offense and I wore out my repertoire of humble apologies today.