Friday, March 27, 2009

What a weird spring

Today I am at home. Spring is here. Along with Spring we got 15" of snow. This is the first snow storm we have had this whole Winter/Spring that left any real accumulation of snow. The interesting thing about this is that we had all the kids home for spring break. I have sent them outside with our newly purchased snow shovels (they were on clearance on Wednesday when I went to the store) and a mandate to move the snow off the sidewalk. I can hear them moving the snow on the patio around in the back yard. Yesterday they buried the dog twice in snow up to her nose. Luckily, this is a very fun-loving dog and she just shook it off, climbed out of the mound and play bit the shovel for a while. Today, armed with shovels and a brightly shining sun to melt it a bit, they should be able to make some huge fortress of defense or some such thing in the yard. Meanwhile, having a free KIA for a car I have not been to work for 2 days as the blizzard and accumulated snow make the probability of my wrecking almost 100%. I will go tomorrow and spend 1/2 a day piddling around. Nobody at my work can work in snow this deep. We do construction.. outdoor only. I did call this morning and they said "Don't come in". Hopefully the mailman will get here today. He did not make it yesterday. The kids are quiet now so I better go see what terrible thing they are up to.
Anywho happy Friday!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Grandmother Hood

Ah Grandmotherhood what a great state of being.
All the fun and none of the responsibility. It doesn't bother me if they eat donuts for breakfast because tomorrow they will be back with Mom & Dad toeing that healthy eating line. The fits and crying is going to end soon because their parental units will be coming back to take over. So I bought them a toy and let them play with play dough on your living room carpet, so what? I'll be gone and you get to clean it up. Cupcakes before dinner? Who told you that? We played hide and seek in your bedroom? Who said we couldn't? Make them clean up their mess, wash themselves, eat dinner first, behave? Don't ever say it. That is anti-amoo-istic.
Grand motherhood is ideal for those of us unfulfilled moms. The more irritated and agitated the parents of your grand kids get, the happier you become.
It is a carma thing. "Let your children do unto you as you did to me".
And man does it work.

Tobi was the princess and her father and his parents made NO bones about it. I was a wart on the end of her prince Charming's nose. Daddy was the greatest thing ever invented, and I was second to everyone else in her lineup. I was incapable of doing it right, and let me tell you when a 5 year old pops off regularly about how "You're doing it wrong!", that hurts.
AH the sweetest little dumpling on the earth is Cora. She has figured out which buttons to push on Monie and she does it really well.
My Grandmother Carma alarm goes into peals of delight whenever I see that girl.
Joshua was the martyr. Every time Dakota hangs his head and acts like he is dying from the request his parents just made, I nearly fall over with glee. What? He is failing Art? No kidding, let me see, what grades did you get in Jr. High? He only wants to play games and has 3 girlfriends at 11? No! Dalton is throwing a fit for a giant radio control Hummer and you said NO? Let Amoo get that for you Darling.

Sarah was self contained. All she needed was a kinky and a thumb. Nothing I provided or did mattered to her. She had the world figured out and wanted to be left the hell ALONE. She even did not like the name I gave her and made us all call her Michelle for years and years. She moved under the stairs once to get away from all of us.
Ian is a jewel. He thinks he knows everything and wants to do it ALONE. It is almost more than I can bear because she also got the "Girly Girl" Xandra. It is like if I went out and picked a kid to torture Sarah the most, it would be a girly girl. TEE HEE Not to mention the shoe thing, (rapturous waves here) that your daughter would be in love with the one thing you are most possessive over is very Carmic and she is officially her mother's size now!!

When ever Phoenix throws a screaming tantrum and Kale announces that he has "stones and a man stick in my pants", besides being a little emarrassed, I come close to a brain embolism of happy retribution. Brittany looks like the Secretary of State when the whole world has gone to DEFCON 3 and the President calls on the Red Phone for an accounting. Her eyes shoot fire at the kids but all she can do is make these horrible faces and watch as the whole (store, doctor's office, mall, dentist's office, whatever) turns to see who's really BAD children these are and watch the drama. I just gratefully slip into the other aisle to shake with laughter. You were SO BAD as a child Brittany.
Yes, being a Grandmother is like a giant Carma fest. You took it like a trooper lady, now come get some back!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The whole thing was a plot. You and the prince were in league the whole time.

Ok so I talked to dumbellina and he married her in September. Supposedly, it was by force. Who held the rifle? He was tired of her parents complaining about the fact that they were "living in sin" and she was whining about this all the time.
This is why I am single. No body (male or female) over the age of 10 should be allowed to whine. This should be an offense punishable by removal of voice-box forever.
I guess you could say he got whined into it?
I can tell you how it really went, he gave in so the rich in-laws would find him more acceptable. I am the poor relation and I admit not caring that I am the poor relation, so I don't count.
Lets take a poll here.
1. Do you have a responsibility to let the woman who squoze you forth from her loins know that you have added a member to your family? Even if she is the poor relation?
2. If you drop your progeny off to be baby-sat by your relative more than 1/2 their summers and time off school, does that constitute "keeping in touch with Mom"?
3. If you have more fast food take out places on your speed dial than the yellow pages, but can't remember your Mother's phone # or when Mother's Day is, is that a Freudian slip?
4. If the phrase "We didn't tell anyone" means you only told your Parents in law, your kids, everyone at work, your POS father, all your new wife's co-workers, all the people you "hang" with, and just not your relatives on your mother's side of the family, is this prejudicial?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My dummy of a son strikes again

What is wrong with men in general? What is wrong with my son? He got married 2 days after my birthday and did not tell me. HELLO it is 4 months later and I found out from my daughters on the phone last night. Married!! Yes, actually I can believe this. He diss'es me every Mother's day and says he "forgot". He totally blanks out my birthday every year and says he "forgot". (It is a freeking HOLIDAY). He ignores me every Christmas and stops at the grocery store on the way over to pick up the loot for his kids and claims that he is broke again this year, then gives me a random something he bought 3 minutes before he got there.
So what about the girl. She has been in my house several times since the event, why did she not say something??? Hello, I married your son yesterday? Oh look, the ring I've had for 3 years is really a wedding band now? I changed my name to your last name the other day?? By the way your son did the cutest thing the other day... he married me?
Maybe I am old fashioned but isn't this supposed to be an event?
Maybe I am stuck in the past, but isn't this supposed to be something you celebrate?
Maybe I should have asked "Hey, what did you guys do for my birthday this year?"
Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

I have found them

Girl Scout Cookies. We have searched the greater Denver area for them and finally found the mother load! Britt spent every penny we have on them. I would have gone into debt personally for the crunchy goodness of thin mints and Samoas. They only come once a year so we will be fighting over the last box. The boys are not as enthused as BD and I are. They would really rather have a toy.
I would like to line my small freezer in the boxes and keep this delicious treat all year long. Alas, Samoas, I knew thee well.