Tuesday, May 25, 2010


My brother is in the hospital. He was supposed to have a "stint" or some such thing put in his heart valve(s). He had open heart surgery. What is really stinking about this is the general lack of information I have on this subject. I live with him so you would think he would have put me down to call. Nope, he told them to call Emma. Who had somehow lost the # I called her on to let her know he was in the hospital in the first place.??? Anyway it looks like he was run over by a Hummer, shot, hung, maybe mauled by a bear, and dragged to the hospital behind the ambulance. There are pipes coming out of every orifice known to exist on a man and a 6 banger IV deal the size of a large mans wallet on his pillow that would make any sane person cry for mercy. There are at least 15 machines hooked up to every conceivable wire, tube, and human anatomical position on his body. His legs are in some weird ski accident splint looking things, and basically everything in his room beeps, glows, displays, pumps, or measures. The bed leaks because he is on a water mattress. Nobody cares that his junk is hanging all over and outside his clothes (except me) and anyone who comes into the room can be told all about what is wrong with him and watch him be cared for.
I am not sure I want to live if I am ever in this position.
Now it is a few days later and he may come home soon! All the main wires and tubes are still there so I don't know how that is going to work.
Anyway, diabetes kills man

Friday, May 14, 2010

Karma is here

OK All bets are off. The universe is a myth. All home grown stories are so true. And it does flipping snow in May.
As you can tell my world has collapsed in on itself and all the truths I held to be self evident… aren't.
This first aberration is all MY own fault. (first mistake) I bought the 65% Cacao Dove whatever's. Whatever misalignment of stars that made me buy the wrong chocolate started the problems. When I realized I got the wrong chocolate,
(Is Milk Chocolate Dove Promises not the greatest?),
I put the offending chocolates in a WalMart bag and gave them to BD (second mistake) with written instructions to return them.
Now you would think I would not waste my time with written instructions for a simple return of candy unless all had gone awry in the past with verbal instructions: and you would be right.
However, my third mistake was believing my 30 year old daughter would follow written instructions. NOPE Not happening. She went out and bought the correct chocolates and set the bag on the table in the living room.
To make a very long story short, the stupid bane of my existence dog ate an entire bag of Dove chocolates. I guess her skin was not bothering her anymore so she decided to poison herself. Interestingly, she ran back in forth for hours and hours until we drugged her with the left-over doggie downers. She then slept for a day and is fine.
Too much chocolate will kill a dog. = Total Myth.
The foil sparkly poop was pretty in a weird way though.
Next bump on the Karmic cycle has been the weather. I blame BD for this one because she set the 2 crappy couches we have out on the patio a full 3 weeks before we can get them removed by the trash people. Thus, it has either freaking rained or snowed every day this month. It is May. Hello Spring. Hello warmer weather.
Global warming = Myth.
The car has decided I bragged on how Ghetto Fabulous it is one too many times and has taken a giant poop. The gear shifter sticks now so bad we do not dare put it into park when we stop unless it is for the night. It takes at least 15 minutes to get it back into gear.
No such thing as a free lunch = Total truth
I bought myself a bra at a clearance sale. Opened the box and boy howdy was that a wrong label. The bra inside was a 38DD. I gave the offending box and bra to BD
with WRITTEN instructions to return and exchange it (again). She of course flung it into the front seat of the car and left it there for everyone to see.
HENCE my roommate says "Wow, you really only wear a size B cup?" As if I had a choice in what size boobies I got. Like they make you take a quiz in 5th grade, "What size bra cup would you eventually like to wear?". Then that is what you get.
To make matters worse, she is saying this in front of my brother. Like I need an interview to wear a bra that small. This is why some women invest in boobs.
Moving on ,,, my doctor calls me yesterday and says I need to come in if I want my prescriptions refilled. Those are words you never want to hear. I go in expecting to have to pay the $194.00 I owe him and hear a lecture or something and get a great shock. I need to start taking insulin shots in 3 months if the new, improved, much more expensive medicine he just gave me doesn't start working.
So far this month has been filled with uber lows. This one was just the needle on the camels haystack that broke my back.
It never rains, but it pours = Total truth.

Friday, April 30, 2010


Today is a great day.
Not only because it is Friday and 2 whole days of Grandmother-ness are stretched out in front of me. No, it gets better than this..
Trip got the satelite dish off today and all her stitches out!! No more being herded by a giant black & white horse with a helmut on. (hey anything over 80 lbs at 11 months qualifies) She is a herder and if I am not fast enough to suit her, she barks my heels with the darn dish. Plus the huge puppy dog weighs so much that the doggie downers just made her slower, not less determined. I have had it with the spoon feeding her because she is disabled by her cone. The water dish has been knocked over every hour or so for the last 3 weeks also. The carpet on the stairs is permanently wet. Let me just say that was not even the worst, she could not get out the doggie door with the dish.
Alec, Cora, Phoenix, and Kale are having a sleep over tonight. It is Mac N Cheese and icecream; Spongebob and lightsabers tonight for us!! Great stuff!!

Friday, April 16, 2010

I can do it!

Tuesday we had no power all day. So I had our forklift expert teach me to drive one. I know you think it is easy Pat, but I was too scared to try before this as the lightest one is 5,000 pounds. But now I have had lessons. 54 and still gaining skilz!! It is a skill I need because when doing our second job we have to take out these giant oil barrels full of trash. In the past year they have probably only been emptied 10 times because I have to beg one of the guys to do it with a forklift.
I'm not begging anymore!!
Chalk one up for old Lady's everywhere.
Now I'll probably total one of the bay doors or take it off the dock.
I'll blame someone else and say I found it like that when I came to clean.
Maybe I need another lesson?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Darn new fangled technology

Why does my boss pick 3:45pm to do all his stuff? And I'm not talking normal work stuff either. "Bring me all the files on the repairs for the 75 ton crane right now". Forget that he paid for a few in person with his credit card, did not ever give me the receipt to process, did not even tell me till just this moment that there were repairs of this machine, and expects me to mind-read where he put them.
OK now lets talk the accountant: just like the boss he did not bother telling me he had seen the charge on the statement, did not sling it over my desk (since I keep records for all machinery), and now does not remember ever seeing any of that. He keeps an eXcel spread sheet on this machine of his own credit card charges and those repairs are not there. In fact, he is soooooo sure he never had any such repairs that he wants ME to go argue with the boss that they don't exist. (been there, done that before, NEVER going again)
Helpful, not so much
Later my boss added to this that he wanted me to scan and email them to him because I've had 3 days with this new scanner and should have dropped my normal work and learned how to make it dance.
OK can you say upside down, out of order, wrong pages, accountant who holds receipts uncooperative, and pissed off boss?
I can.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Ah the perfection returns

There is nothing like I T support. No I can not change the oil in my car, work a power saw, set up my own email or google stuff, but by darn I know how to call I T.
"Help Ms Wizzard" my blog is broken.
I, the helpless older lady blogger Bunrammitsrus humbly bow my extra long bunyay ears in recognition of your blog superiority. Thank you queen of the mega chip (or byte).
I did sew a button on today! and my actual job is accounting! So I am not without skilz... just old skilz.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The queen of the Prarie Dogs, that's me.
This morning I woke up to 12" of snow and frozen roads. I called work and was going to not go in but my boss said
"Oh the main roads are fine". (Translation) Come in to work now.
So I went down the road and only got stuck 6 times before I reached a main artery. The main street was not
FINE or anything close to fine. There was ice covered with the 12" of cast off snow of a thousand other cars.
As I went along, I started hearing a strange noise. I thought it was the sound of my engine vibrating on the
chunky road. About 10 minutes into the trip I realized it was a familiar noise. The noise the universe makes
when it cocks the let's f-with-Liz gun. Yes, I had ANOTHER flat tire in Prarie Dog City. This was one of the brand new
tires. It was virtually in the same position on my car as the last one. I pulled over to inspect the damage.
However, after considering the semi sliding on the ice toward my little Kia in a giant pile of snow now serving as
the side of the road I decided that $100.00 for a new tire beats the crap out of death by smoosh and drove on the tire
all the way to the nearest WalMart. $ 89.00 later, I made it to work alive and poor.
I earned the undying respect of all the Prairie Dogs under that 4 or 5 feet of snow for getting my car out of
their field, and am now an official carrier of the plague having parked there twice to change a tire.
Happy Spring.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Happy 1st day of Spring!

Wow. There is a huge blizzard outside. Did somebody say that tomorrow is the 1st day of spring? I mean the snow is pouring out of the sky at an alarming rate. They say we will have a foot by 8 pm.
So whatnell am I doing at work????
I don't know either.
My doggies are white, my view out of the office is white, and all the cars in the lot are white. Basically a white out.
Maybe you should read "We hold these truths to be self evident" if you want my opinion on the weather man.
Mother Nature is on the rag.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Das Boat is sinking

MY latest little chunk of the "stimulus package" came yesterday.
My boss came around with a letter announcing "wage reductions" for all of us office people.
I may not like it, but I know I am greatly blessed to still have a job.
The trickle down finally landed a big fat frozen glop of ick on my wrung of the corporate ladder.
(last one from the bottom)
When all you can do about it is accept it because everyone is in the same boat, its not so bad to get the wage cut instead of the boot.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The sea hag
Brittany has the mini-mouse voice thing I get like 4 times a year. She has had it for a month.
Her voice sounds like what I imagine the Sea Hag would sound like. (reading Percy Jackson right now)
If you drank nothing but whiskey for 3 days and then swallowed 3 sacks of marbles,
I imagine you could imitate the noise she makes when she talks. Maybe. With a couple of days practice.
Anyway, you can not understand her at all and the kids are running wild like little Indians.
So if you call our house and it sounds like Gollum just answered the phone and you hear an actual noise like a ring wraith is screaming in the background, you got the right house.

Saturday, February 27, 2010


The cold which has been haunting my house finally made its way into my body last Sunday.
It felt like someone was sitting on my head. It weighed at least 80 pounds. I have had nasty things dripping out of my nose, which I can't feel anymore since I have blown it into death scar mode. It passed beyond "burnt" hurting Thursday sometime. This cold is the worst ever. The first 3 days I thought I was dying. I actually missed a day and a half of work.
From Tuesday through Friday I was a mouth breathing, dripping, snot machine. (I know you want this illness dontcha?) I felt like there was no way I could go on all day, then I had to get up 3 or 4 times every night to take more medicine. Medicine which I believe did absolutely NO GOOD until today.
Saturday. A full week of snotdoodle: (fever alternating with cold chills, aches, pains, and quite a few unbelievably prolific gross bodily functions)
Today I believe I may survive. Last night the cold pills made it possible for me to breathe through my nose. In the case of this "super cold" I believe the cold pills are just something I got to say I tried. I envy the people for whom the medicine works. It just makes me look dumber and feel poorer, not better.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

We hold these truths to be self evident

What goes up - comes down. Usually with the gooey side down on your clothes or carpet
If you do anything wrong, someone you know will be watching
If you do anything wrong and embarrassing, everyone you know will be watching.
Grandchildren are your only reward for not killing your kids when they were teenagers.
The size of the zit is proportional to the # of places (or important events) you must go to today
If you are having your picture taken, the zit will become mount Vesuvius and multiply.
The cat is trying to kill you by winding through your legs at the exact moment you are taking a step
Ditto the dog. And the kids.
There is no weather man. They are all really inept psychics. Mother nature does as she pleases, when she pleases, where she pleases, for as long as she pleases.
The amount of money you have in the bank will be exactly $100.00 short of what you need for the latest $ crisis.
Nobody knows how to drive, except you and me.

Monday, February 15, 2010

White wallpaper

Every day I go to work. Every day I go home. I ride in the same car on the same roads. I notice the same stuff, I don't notice the same stuff. I watch TV for mostly the same amount of time, brush my teeth in the same sink, greet my doggies and grand kids the same way.
I LIKE same. I want same. May I be so bold as to say I REVEL in same.
Don't change my toothpaste, don't move my remote out of my reach, don't want a different job, or kids, or grand kids.
Plain old vanilla IS a flavor too. I do actually want everything beyond predictable and boring in my life. I've had the fun, now I want the peace and comfort of familiar.
I want to wear my 10 year old sweats with a ragged t shirt and fuzzy sox. I am no longer a fashionista. (shut up,,, I was a fashionista before I gave birth to you)
I do not want anyone or anything exciting and earth shaking in my section.
So call me old, call me stodgy, call me boring if you must, but for heavens sake don't truly think I want change and am sitting here waiting for you to wake me up to the "fun" of whatever joyous venture you have planned.
I need napage.
I crave quiet.
I am old enough to know that about me.
I am NOT going to Yellowstone National Park again unless a space shuttle lands on my bed and launches me into space and my remains fall down over Wyoming.
Somebody actually said to me yesterday, "We should plan a trip to Yellowstone" with at least 4 kids, 3 dogs, 3 adults

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Did somebody step on a Monk?

For over 4 years now I have worked with a man obsessed with chants. To be specific, Gregorian Chants.
What this group of musicians(?) does is take a song like "losing my religion" and make it into a chant. So it sounds like a bunch of guys singing the anthem to Survivor only they are saying the words to a popular song. It would not be so bad but he has 3 or 4 favorite CD's and he plays them over and over all year long, every year, day after day, after day, over and over.
The latest is a bunch of guys called the Priests and they are singing / chanting a Catholic mass in Latin. Did I mention he plays it 4 times back to back? Every day?
Virtually every single visitor to our office says the same thing, "Is this funeral music?" or " What freeking channel is this crap on?"
It sounds like I work in a monastery. By the time 10 hours of this has gone by, I want to gouge out my own ears.
One of the guys upstairs says "It sounds like somebody stepped on a Monk". This has gone on now for 4 years. Now I'm not complaining (much) but for 4 years
I have listened to the chants, opera, chamber music, and just plain old talk radio of this guy. Did I mention that he listens to talk radio every day from 3:30pm to 4:30pm?
The guys on this brilliant show hash and re-hash the football games of the week. You can call in and get on the show. But if you curse, they will hang up on you. It has gotten to the point where I turn a fan on next to my ear so I can drown some of it out.
The thing is I KNOW how the postal people went that way now. One too many slow sad songs. When I go home at night all I listen to is the blessed silence of my car.
Seriously, I want to stop the noise coming from his half of the office NOW. Guns and bombs are not too far out there for retribution of this depth of torture. The only kind of music worse than this is Jazz. It just can not end soon enough
Oh yes, I tried a radio. He turns his up to drown mine out. It took me 3 warnings from the owner that mine was too loud to just give up. I am in the reception area and have a responsibility to maintain a professional image (bla bla bla)
Now I suffer (but not in silence) one of these days when the boss is on vacation or playing golf I will crack and bring in a giant stereo boom box. Or maybe a bazooka, I am undecided at this point.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Up with this I will not put

Wow. The week is on a roll. I actually missed work yesterday for a broken toilet and flooded basement. Today is finally Friday and I might just stay in bed for all of the weekend.
If you are out there reading this this week really blew.
Maybe when I get over this I will be able to laugh at this blog.
Hey, last Sunday a member of my Bishopric said that Blogging is like keeping a journal so HA this counts!!! And here I was just having fun.
The dog is home and she is great. I keep wanting BD to take a pix of her scars. It cost me my computer chair and Video camera to get her back from the pound, but I could not let them kill her after she survived the ordeal. Her scars are shaped like a big anchor and about 6 inches long. They keep the dogs alive 6 days after they go up for adoption, she was doomed. I could not watch her on the Internet and know she was still there.
One of my kids thinks I committed fraud for going and getting the dog. The pounds are full of dogs, no one was going to get her.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


The world has gone to crap in the space of 24 hours.
Yesterday my boss spent the day screaming at me for things that are not my fault.
Today my family all have big problems.
At least my boss went somewhere this afternoon so he can't yell at me.
But he also can't sign the paychecks. Oh well, tomorrow is payday anyway.
One of my co-workers is sick and giving all of us a nasty cold germ bath.
I have a toothache inside the new bridge. Happy day!!
I also have a stress headache… proves I do have a brain I guess.
My brother called me because he is homeless and I had a fight with my son.

Happy groundhogs day.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Trip de Trip de Trip de

Tomorrow we are going to go to the Dumb Friends League and get Trip.
She has finally been released from the hospital and made it onto the website
I hope she is not really upset with us for the medical debacle
Even if she is, she will take one look at Shimalfinney and be fine.
Shimalfinney has throw a fit several times recently about not having her Trip to chew on.
She even took a couple of shoes and a shirt outside to chew on this last week.
Up with this shite I will not put!! I hope it is a lovely reunion with barking and running.
I'll let you know.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Craptastic weekend

This past week will go down in the annal's of time as one of the craptasticiest weeks ever.
My car took a dive into the "fix me or start walking" section. I think it needs bearings or some lucky expensive thing. When we turn it goes on turning after you straighten out the steering wheel.
Wow scary.
Root Canal: Went there, done that, going back under protest.
My boss said if business doesn't pick up we are going to be out of jobs.

Next week looks better on the horizon after Tuesday.
Tuesday I go finish the root canal. Yes it really did take 5 hours the first time and I just could not take anymore. He says it will be at least another 45 minutes. For those of you blessed enough not to have been to your own root canal recently, the translation of that is (2 or 3 hours).
I think how long it takes is a complex mathematical equation:
Take how long you think you can take the pain of this infected tooth,
add the amount of $ he is charging your insurance,
subtract the amount of your co-pay,
plus the # of people you have around you, unless you have to hold your own spit sucker like I did. Then subtract 1
Multiply this by the strength of your revulsion for being smothered with the green mouth tent....
If you have to pee add 30 minutes past how long you can hold it
If you are late or due somewhere like court add another 30 minutes
The length of time to the next vernal equinox goes in here somewhere
East of the Mississippi add 2 hours West add 1 hour
Now square the amount of pain you are in since he stuck the 4" drill bit down the root of the tooth and twisted it so he can rip out the roots one by one.
You get it?
So did I. THE THING TAKES MUCH TOO LONG and hurts too much!!
At least my co pay is paid and I will not have the pleasure of giving them $ at the end of this session. My dentist sent me a gift certificate to Olive Garden.
(Job Security?)

Anyway, after Tuesday some day next week my tax refund should be here. Yoo Hoo.
I am splurging and buying myself a chair at Staples because I get a free Camcorder with it.
Call me a selfish pig if you will, but I'm doing it anyway!!
At our house we will all be happy little campers next week, I vow it.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The tooth, part II

Root canal
5 hours
Holding my own spit sucker tube

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Moving on?

I think it may be time to move. I swore I would never do it again, but the fact is $1,056.00 a month is OUTRAGEOUS for rent. Plus our landlady is insane. Plus we live in a HORRIBLE area of town.
I am thinking we just need a little miracle in our lives so we can afford to move. I have room mates but financially we are still on the edge all the time. Maybe it is time for a budget? A little more income would also be helpful. The house itself is huge and other than being 1000 years old it is OK.
The power and water are a very big expense because the house is so old and there are so many people running things all day. The cable always manages to surprise me since we do not order movies or pay-per-views. I guess the real problem is that I have not had a raise in pay for 3 years, but everything else possible has gone up in cost. Milk is the only exception; it is $1.98 a gallon. That is great since these boys drink
mostly milk. Everything else keeps going UP UP and AWAY!!
Maybe we should sit tight for now, better the devil you know.

Monday, January 11, 2010


Today I cried.
Not the all out ugly bawling cry, just a frustration and anger and sadness cry.
Trip did not make it. Sunday when we got up she was once again covered in blood and the wound was open and had a second wound by it.
We called the vet and they want money like you would not believe to fix this. She was moving around too much, she is a hyper dog.
She needs a week (at least) in the hospital to be sedated so her side can heal. We just can NOT afford it.
We had to turn her over to the Dumb Friends League so they could try to heal her, but I doubt it can be done.
Britt and I debated just letting it heal open, steritape, a loan, a t shirt, all kinds of stuff.
In the end we just can not afford it. I was mostly scared that the dog catcher would see the gaping wound and give us some fine for cruelty to animals.
Unfortunately, it would be true if we just did nothing. She was gonna die if we did that. I guess it is for the best, at least they will heal her and spay her before they put her to sleep.
Or maybe she will be adopted by some wonderful family with $$.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Trip is back from the dead

The puppy is officially recovered. She dances, she leaps, she barks my heels with the stupid satellite head gear 50 x a day following me around, she is done being abnormally sedate.
Wow, I would be relieved to be feeling so good 2 days after the major surgery to sew my skin back on.
She jumps up on my bed and paws me to death 3 or 4 times an evening. Then she rolls all around my bed all night following me for body heat.
Which means I was covered with drainage blood spots this morning ewwww
The good outweighs the bad I guess since she was sooooo pitiful with the cone head and stitches. But I must repeat ewwwww
She body tackled Kale this morning for his good morning ear licking.
She runs around outside with the satellite dish scooping up snow to eat with the dish…
She sleeps during the day and plays all night with Shimmalfinney
She knocked over my bed side table to get a drink.. Yea totally recovered.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The list 2009*

All over the TV there are shows about the best and worst of 2009 so in grand tradition of American TV I have hereupon this blog made my official list of things I NEVER thought I would hear or say which occurred during 2009 (drum roll please)

# 10 "Nobody better spit on anybody else in this car, and that includes the frogs."(during a ride to Parker December 24th)
# 9 "If you don't want to hear it shut your ears." (same car ride)
# 8 "Who is torturing the cat out there?" (Phoenix singing with Halo)
# 7 "Do you have an all-day Valium lollipop?" (Asked at the dental appointment for Phoenix after his tooth extraction)And YES they offered his brother a sucker after the appointment, now that's job security!
# 6 "Nobody here has any spare candy, It is Halloween." (In my defense I had been freezing my tush off in the snow behind my trunk for a long time with wet boots and Dakota wanted any "spare" candy for his enormously full giant bucket)
# 5 "Of course we are all here, does anyone appear gone?" (brain death from talking to children for too long)
# 4 "If either of you touch each other ever again, I'll kill you both." (from beyond brain death during a fight over who touched who)
# 3 "Phoenix is looking out of my window again" (every car ride, air space counts to a 4 year old)
# 2 "Why are you scared of the basement? I am the scariest thing in the basement, now go down there and get me a Kleenex." OK so I wasn't IN the basement just then.

AND the # 1 quote from 2009 "If you shoot anyone else in the face, I will take back all your Christmas presents to Santa and kill you both."
Actual quote from Brittany to Dakota Christmas Eve after he shot Phoenix in the face with a pellet gun. The present thing got his attention, you did not even scare him with the death threats!