Tuesday, May 25, 2010


My brother is in the hospital. He was supposed to have a "stint" or some such thing put in his heart valve(s). He had open heart surgery. What is really stinking about this is the general lack of information I have on this subject. I live with him so you would think he would have put me down to call. Nope, he told them to call Emma. Who had somehow lost the # I called her on to let her know he was in the hospital in the first place.??? Anyway it looks like he was run over by a Hummer, shot, hung, maybe mauled by a bear, and dragged to the hospital behind the ambulance. There are pipes coming out of every orifice known to exist on a man and a 6 banger IV deal the size of a large mans wallet on his pillow that would make any sane person cry for mercy. There are at least 15 machines hooked up to every conceivable wire, tube, and human anatomical position on his body. His legs are in some weird ski accident splint looking things, and basically everything in his room beeps, glows, displays, pumps, or measures. The bed leaks because he is on a water mattress. Nobody cares that his junk is hanging all over and outside his clothes (except me) and anyone who comes into the room can be told all about what is wrong with him and watch him be cared for.
I am not sure I want to live if I am ever in this position.
Now it is a few days later and he may come home soon! All the main wires and tubes are still there so I don't know how that is going to work.
Anyway, diabetes kills man

Friday, May 14, 2010

Karma is here

OK All bets are off. The universe is a myth. All home grown stories are so true. And it does flipping snow in May.
As you can tell my world has collapsed in on itself and all the truths I held to be self evident… aren't.
This first aberration is all MY own fault. (first mistake) I bought the 65% Cacao Dove whatever's. Whatever misalignment of stars that made me buy the wrong chocolate started the problems. When I realized I got the wrong chocolate,
(Is Milk Chocolate Dove Promises not the greatest?),
I put the offending chocolates in a WalMart bag and gave them to BD (second mistake) with written instructions to return them.
Now you would think I would not waste my time with written instructions for a simple return of candy unless all had gone awry in the past with verbal instructions: and you would be right.
However, my third mistake was believing my 30 year old daughter would follow written instructions. NOPE Not happening. She went out and bought the correct chocolates and set the bag on the table in the living room.
To make a very long story short, the stupid bane of my existence dog ate an entire bag of Dove chocolates. I guess her skin was not bothering her anymore so she decided to poison herself. Interestingly, she ran back in forth for hours and hours until we drugged her with the left-over doggie downers. She then slept for a day and is fine.
Too much chocolate will kill a dog. = Total Myth.
The foil sparkly poop was pretty in a weird way though.
Next bump on the Karmic cycle has been the weather. I blame BD for this one because she set the 2 crappy couches we have out on the patio a full 3 weeks before we can get them removed by the trash people. Thus, it has either freaking rained or snowed every day this month. It is May. Hello Spring. Hello warmer weather.
Global warming = Myth.
The car has decided I bragged on how Ghetto Fabulous it is one too many times and has taken a giant poop. The gear shifter sticks now so bad we do not dare put it into park when we stop unless it is for the night. It takes at least 15 minutes to get it back into gear.
No such thing as a free lunch = Total truth
I bought myself a bra at a clearance sale. Opened the box and boy howdy was that a wrong label. The bra inside was a 38DD. I gave the offending box and bra to BD
with WRITTEN instructions to return and exchange it (again). She of course flung it into the front seat of the car and left it there for everyone to see.
HENCE my roommate says "Wow, you really only wear a size B cup?" As if I had a choice in what size boobies I got. Like they make you take a quiz in 5th grade, "What size bra cup would you eventually like to wear?". Then that is what you get.
To make matters worse, she is saying this in front of my brother. Like I need an interview to wear a bra that small. This is why some women invest in boobs.
Moving on ,,, my doctor calls me yesterday and says I need to come in if I want my prescriptions refilled. Those are words you never want to hear. I go in expecting to have to pay the $194.00 I owe him and hear a lecture or something and get a great shock. I need to start taking insulin shots in 3 months if the new, improved, much more expensive medicine he just gave me doesn't start working.
So far this month has been filled with uber lows. This one was just the needle on the camels haystack that broke my back.
It never rains, but it pours = Total truth.