Saturday, February 27, 2010


The cold which has been haunting my house finally made its way into my body last Sunday.
It felt like someone was sitting on my head. It weighed at least 80 pounds. I have had nasty things dripping out of my nose, which I can't feel anymore since I have blown it into death scar mode. It passed beyond "burnt" hurting Thursday sometime. This cold is the worst ever. The first 3 days I thought I was dying. I actually missed a day and a half of work.
From Tuesday through Friday I was a mouth breathing, dripping, snot machine. (I know you want this illness dontcha?) I felt like there was no way I could go on all day, then I had to get up 3 or 4 times every night to take more medicine. Medicine which I believe did absolutely NO GOOD until today.
Saturday. A full week of snotdoodle: (fever alternating with cold chills, aches, pains, and quite a few unbelievably prolific gross bodily functions)
Today I believe I may survive. Last night the cold pills made it possible for me to breathe through my nose. In the case of this "super cold" I believe the cold pills are just something I got to say I tried. I envy the people for whom the medicine works. It just makes me look dumber and feel poorer, not better.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

We hold these truths to be self evident

What goes up - comes down. Usually with the gooey side down on your clothes or carpet
If you do anything wrong, someone you know will be watching
If you do anything wrong and embarrassing, everyone you know will be watching.
Grandchildren are your only reward for not killing your kids when they were teenagers.
The size of the zit is proportional to the # of places (or important events) you must go to today
If you are having your picture taken, the zit will become mount Vesuvius and multiply.
The cat is trying to kill you by winding through your legs at the exact moment you are taking a step
Ditto the dog. And the kids.
There is no weather man. They are all really inept psychics. Mother nature does as she pleases, when she pleases, where she pleases, for as long as she pleases.
The amount of money you have in the bank will be exactly $100.00 short of what you need for the latest $ crisis.
Nobody knows how to drive, except you and me.

Monday, February 15, 2010

White wallpaper

Every day I go to work. Every day I go home. I ride in the same car on the same roads. I notice the same stuff, I don't notice the same stuff. I watch TV for mostly the same amount of time, brush my teeth in the same sink, greet my doggies and grand kids the same way.
I LIKE same. I want same. May I be so bold as to say I REVEL in same.
Don't change my toothpaste, don't move my remote out of my reach, don't want a different job, or kids, or grand kids.
Plain old vanilla IS a flavor too. I do actually want everything beyond predictable and boring in my life. I've had the fun, now I want the peace and comfort of familiar.
I want to wear my 10 year old sweats with a ragged t shirt and fuzzy sox. I am no longer a fashionista. (shut up,,, I was a fashionista before I gave birth to you)
I do not want anyone or anything exciting and earth shaking in my section.
So call me old, call me stodgy, call me boring if you must, but for heavens sake don't truly think I want change and am sitting here waiting for you to wake me up to the "fun" of whatever joyous venture you have planned.
I need napage.
I crave quiet.
I am old enough to know that about me.
I am NOT going to Yellowstone National Park again unless a space shuttle lands on my bed and launches me into space and my remains fall down over Wyoming.
Somebody actually said to me yesterday, "We should plan a trip to Yellowstone" with at least 4 kids, 3 dogs, 3 adults

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Did somebody step on a Monk?

For over 4 years now I have worked with a man obsessed with chants. To be specific, Gregorian Chants.
What this group of musicians(?) does is take a song like "losing my religion" and make it into a chant. So it sounds like a bunch of guys singing the anthem to Survivor only they are saying the words to a popular song. It would not be so bad but he has 3 or 4 favorite CD's and he plays them over and over all year long, every year, day after day, after day, over and over.
The latest is a bunch of guys called the Priests and they are singing / chanting a Catholic mass in Latin. Did I mention he plays it 4 times back to back? Every day?
Virtually every single visitor to our office says the same thing, "Is this funeral music?" or " What freeking channel is this crap on?"
It sounds like I work in a monastery. By the time 10 hours of this has gone by, I want to gouge out my own ears.
One of the guys upstairs says "It sounds like somebody stepped on a Monk". This has gone on now for 4 years. Now I'm not complaining (much) but for 4 years
I have listened to the chants, opera, chamber music, and just plain old talk radio of this guy. Did I mention that he listens to talk radio every day from 3:30pm to 4:30pm?
The guys on this brilliant show hash and re-hash the football games of the week. You can call in and get on the show. But if you curse, they will hang up on you. It has gotten to the point where I turn a fan on next to my ear so I can drown some of it out.
The thing is I KNOW how the postal people went that way now. One too many slow sad songs. When I go home at night all I listen to is the blessed silence of my car.
Seriously, I want to stop the noise coming from his half of the office NOW. Guns and bombs are not too far out there for retribution of this depth of torture. The only kind of music worse than this is Jazz. It just can not end soon enough
Oh yes, I tried a radio. He turns his up to drown mine out. It took me 3 warnings from the owner that mine was too loud to just give up. I am in the reception area and have a responsibility to maintain a professional image (bla bla bla)
Now I suffer (but not in silence) one of these days when the boss is on vacation or playing golf I will crack and bring in a giant stereo boom box. Or maybe a bazooka, I am undecided at this point.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Up with this I will not put

Wow. The week is on a roll. I actually missed work yesterday for a broken toilet and flooded basement. Today is finally Friday and I might just stay in bed for all of the weekend.
If you are out there reading this this week really blew.
Maybe when I get over this I will be able to laugh at this blog.
Hey, last Sunday a member of my Bishopric said that Blogging is like keeping a journal so HA this counts!!! And here I was just having fun.
The dog is home and she is great. I keep wanting BD to take a pix of her scars. It cost me my computer chair and Video camera to get her back from the pound, but I could not let them kill her after she survived the ordeal. Her scars are shaped like a big anchor and about 6 inches long. They keep the dogs alive 6 days after they go up for adoption, she was doomed. I could not watch her on the Internet and know she was still there.
One of my kids thinks I committed fraud for going and getting the dog. The pounds are full of dogs, no one was going to get her.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


The world has gone to crap in the space of 24 hours.
Yesterday my boss spent the day screaming at me for things that are not my fault.
Today my family all have big problems.
At least my boss went somewhere this afternoon so he can't yell at me.
But he also can't sign the paychecks. Oh well, tomorrow is payday anyway.
One of my co-workers is sick and giving all of us a nasty cold germ bath.
I have a toothache inside the new bridge. Happy day!!
I also have a stress headache… proves I do have a brain I guess.
My brother called me because he is homeless and I had a fight with my son.

Happy groundhogs day.