neurological sub atomic warfare

Kale has declared war on my spine. It starts the second he wakes up. A sonic resonance designed to affect my nervous system like spikes driven slowly under the nail beds on all my fingers and toes at once. I could be more specific on the nature of the pain induced by the sounds he makes if I were capable of rational thought or speech during one of his fits. All I can think is "Please, make it stop".


There is no rationalizing with a 3 year old. He wakes up pissed off, or in pain, or in need of something, and he begins to make a noise like all the cats and dogs chained to hells gates have been presented with an ambulance, a fire truck, and intruders to chase.


I can NOT think, or breathe, or move fast enough to satisfy whatever monster inside this child creates the need to make this noise. And it is not just me either, his brother quiets, & his mother and I scramble to do his will immediately.


All the Chochate Nilt sippy cups on the planet align and form a perfect eclipse of happy Chochate Nilt rainbows and sippy cup fountains, and still that noise continues.


I strip the beds in the house and place all the pillows and blankets at the feet of the beast. Remove any and every potentially offensive object from his area, remote control every big screen and surround sound in the place until it is playing his favorite Sponge Bob episode, quiet every other noise in the house, and snap on every light ever created by man all at the speed of Sonic the Hedgehog on "super fast" so that the time I am tortured will be shorter, and still he makes that noise. Toys appear as if teleported by magic to make his royal highness stop, still it goes on. I have run down to his bedroom to find a plastic weed whacker and goggles in his bed because I believed that he would quit if he just had those toys back.

Luckily for me he only does it about 3 times a day. Most of the fits could be stopped if I could figure out how to intimidate him into being more scared of me than Goosebumps, or whatever he is shrill about at the moment.

Phoenix and he have been taking turns making that noise all weekend.

What good is 2 days off of work if you don't get to rest or recreate during them? Kale keeps me prisoner every morning with that noise so he won't have to walk in the cold to take Phoenix to school


Meanwhile his noise is doing permanent damage to my neurological system. When the torture is over I find myself laying down to attempt to recover. My limbs shake and my vision blurs with the tears of relief. By the time it is over, I am ready to sell him to passing gypsies.

Then he comes over and kisses me and tells me he loves me. I'm always scared during these times. The noise could come out if he perceives some wrong or problem in the universe he must shrilly lament.

You will be able to tell the doctors with absolute certainty what happened to me now at least.