Coughing on the outside

Today I stayed home from work to cough. I know what you're thinking, I could have gone to work and coughed. I am tired of sharing my illness and have decided to stay home and keep it for myself. A controversial decision to be sure since I am pretty sure the staff at work gave me the germs which produced the cough. However, here I am selfishly keeping it to myself. It is sort of like the immunity necklace on Survivor. I really should give it back to Len since he shared his germs with me, but I have it now and it seems to have awakened in me a selfish sense of ownership. I temporarily possess the illness, therefore I own the illness?
With this anti-immunity necklace came the usual crabbiness due to symptoms. Fever, Chills, Aches, Hacking Cough that keeps you up all night, and lest we forget the $$ cha-ching at the druggist for all those flu and cold remedies which never work. This latest symptom, selfishness is the result of literally days and days of talking in Mini Mouse's voice, coughing like a 3 pack-a-day smoker, and several dozen landfills of tissue use (I am a mucus machine).
Call all the eligible men you know, I am available! Charming! And already dressed for bed. Taking off the fuzzy slippers is optional.