The dog is NOT a puppy!

The dog is not a puppy. So why does she chew virtually everything except what she is supposed to? I am a giant chew toy. The old beds are chew toys. The pencils and pens and crayons in the house, chew toys. The blankets and sheets, chew toys. The children's toys, chew toys. Every shoe known to have graced any ones foot in the house, chew toys. Plastic cups, paper plates, Kleenex, t.p., paper towels, sponges, paint brushes, and oven mitts, you guessed it, chew toys!
The friggin chew toys we buy by the dozen?, ignored chew toys. She spits the rawhide bonz and chaser ballz back at me like they are poison.
This is not a stupid dog. The other night Phoenix did not finish his hostess cupcake and left it on my bedside table. The dog snatched it up and ran. I screamed "NO BAD DOG" and then sensing that I was too late I lectured her on the possible death she faced from Chocolate and how bad it was for her, etc.... She had not gone 3 feet away and she just stood there cowering and looking at me. When I was done she spit the whole darn cupcake back up on the floor. She had not even chewed it. It still had some t.p. around it from when I took it from Phoenix and wrapped it up. As I said this is not a stupid dog. Since then she has NEVER touched anything on my bedside table. I write this as I have taken from her mouth in the last 5 minutes, a pen, 1/2 of a sponge paintbrush, a peg from the bookcase, and a wad of t.p.
The other thing I have a problem with for Cheyenne is that she will NOT wear any kind of leash, halter, or collar. She chews them off. She actually growled at me when I tried to put one on. I think someone tied her up and beat her or something. Anyway, she is upstairs now terrorizing something so I better go find her.