Dirty Laundry

The life I have chosen to lead is a (fairly) normal, honest one. The family comes first. Mainly the kids and grand kids. Then the church, then the mundane like work, bills, food, etc... However, everyone has their habits. Dirty little guilty pleasures that we believe if the world knew about, they would not like us as much as they do. Fearing being judged, we hide these things and pretend like no one else on the earth knows about or has ever done them. The belief that you are the only one guilty of this (whatever ) is crazy. Everyone has done something wrong or bad. Otherwise they would float off the planet.


My grand and very public confession is not forthcoming. I guess I am about the most boring human on the planet but the worst I could come up with is swearing and being selfish.


Both are not especially hard to detect, my room is set up like a permanent residence in and of itself. TV, Stereo, DVD player, VCR, Hundreds of my favorite shows to watch, Cable, etc... And I swear out loud when I do it.

Because my room is comfortable, that means I like to be in that room a lot. I want to lounge in my own section doing what I like best, does this mean I should feel guilty about it when I do?

I work 2 jobs, baby sit the grand kids, clean, cook (or buy it ), and pay the bills. I never steal on purpose (pens gravitate into my purse from everywhere). I am not out to take over the world or force anyone to do what I want them to. Never held anyone hostage, unless you count teenagers who wanted to stay out all night, and never killed anyone or anything for pleasure. I have very little interaction with the out-of-doors because I hate bugs and the sun makes me hot. But all this makes me selfish without hurting anyone else.

Everyone does something selfish or "wrong" now and then. I have made a lifestyle of selfish while avoiding the majority of "wrong". Compared to some people that is a big deal. Compared to others, not so big a deal.

So, who is worse? The people out there stealing, cheating, robbing, killing, or whatever? Or me sitting in my room with a good movie?

To me the answer is that this life is a journey of discovery of self. What will we do when we think no one is looking? I won't rob a bank or an old lady or steal from WalMart no matter who is looking. Is that because I fear reprisals though? If you knew you could get away Scott free from it, would you take something that is not yours? If there were no victim involved? Would you take advantage of a rich man? Is it his fault you have less?

Where we draw the line in our discovery of self is part of this journey. How honest is honest? How good is good? Most especially when you know it is wrong or bad and you really feel it, will you do it anyway if the circumstances are right?

Wherever you draw the line, try to draw a line you can live with. And I will try to expand my line and be less selfish with my time.